Steve’s letter to Rob last week included the following joke... following the joke is Robert’s reply :)
A Typical LDS Mission
THE MISSION PRESIDENT:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound,
Is more powerful than a locomotive,
Is faster than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water,
Associates with God.
THE ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound,
Is more powerful than a switch engine,
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
Walks on water if the sea is calm,
Talks with God.
THE ZONE LEADER:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds,
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine,
Is faster than a decelerating bullet,
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool,
Talks with God if special request is approved.
THE DISTRICT LEADER:
Barely clears a mud hut,
Loses tug-of-war with locomotives,
Can fire a speeding bullet,
Is occasionally addressed by God.
THE SENIOR COMPANION:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap tall buildings,
Is run over by locomotives,
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury,
Talks to animals.
THE JUNIOR COMPANION:
Runs into buildings,
Recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times,
Is not issued ammunition,
Can stay afloat with a life jacket,
Talks to walls.
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings.
Says, "Look at the choo-choo!"
Wets himself with a water pistol,
Plays in mud puddles,
Mumbles to himself.
THE SISTER MISSIONARY:
Lifts buildings and walks under them,
Kicks locomotives off the tracks,
Catches speeding bullets with her teeth and eats them,
Freezes water in a single glance,
THE RETURNED MISSIONARY:
Leaps at a chance to enter a certain building with a "special someone",
Speeds while driving,
Walks on water if there are girls around,
Thinks he IS God.
I think I'm more qualified to be just a junior companion. I bump my head on low ceilings all the time, can only recognize a locomotive if I have my glasses on and it's not too dark, and never earned my rifle or shotgun merit badge at thunder ridge scout camp due to my terrible aim. I am quite a good swimmer though, so that fits the district leader qualifications, and I say hello to all the dogs, cats and goats that I see, so that fits me for zone leader. Life is rough, but it's hard to progress if life is so smooth you can't catch any friction to move forward. Totoo iyon [that's true]! I laughed really hard at this e-mail just so you know. haha
Howdy y'all! That's not Tagalog. :)
That's super neat that Mason is home and stuff and that's also crazy that he's already leaving home again. I think I picked a perfect time to leave and return. God also picked a super awesome place for me to come in the mean-time. <3 ko ang Pilipinas!!!
It's way different on the main land than on my little secluded town in the middle of nowhere. Instead of trees, there are light poles. Instead of jungles there are buildings and instead of little pleasant dirt paths, there are mazes of alleys through the buildings full of hungry people and little children asking for money. Sometimes if they are too persistent I give them some Mentos and that usually satisfies them. It's nice to be here and actually know what all the masses of people are saying. Back in Makati I could hardly speak to people, but now I can understand all their corny tall person jokes and comments. "Ang tangkad mo! Matangkad ka! One Amerikano... short."
It's way different being district leader. I've already had a lot of duties to perform. Every Sunday I have to report all the numbers of the whole district to the Zone leaders, and give reasons why some numbers are a little low and stuff. It's sort of hard, but I'll get the hang of things and figure it out. You may be thinking, "Ah. Now that you're a district leader you can do exchanges with other companionships in your district." Not so. Under normal circumstances, yes, but the other 2 companionships in my district are both sisters. For some reason I'm not allowed to do exchanges with them. hahaha Sayang na sayang malaga [basically futile]!
Now that I'm back on the mainland my OYM standard is back up to 190. No more of that 130 nonsense. However we decided to be over-achievers and got 191 instead. That's what I call starting the transfer out right!!!
I was reading the Old Testament yesterday and came across one of the most fantastic verses in all scripture. It even matches the glory of when He-Man attended the dedication of Solomon's temple. This scripture is in Numbers 23:22. It says that God has the strength of a UNICORN. Now the bible has proven the existence of aliens and unicorns. CrAzY!!! That really comforts my soul that no matter what problem I have, God can help me because he has the strength of a unicorn. He can do anything. True story.
I'm back in an apartment of all Filipino kabahay [housemates]. Don't worry though. It was really hard before, but now I can actually talk to them and we are all happy together. So it's us (Elder Guzman and I), and our Zone leaders. I forgot their names. It was funny when I heard Elder Guzman's name for the first time. I thought it was Goose Man. hahaha It made me think of Uncle Waldo from the Aristocats. haha He's really fun though. I'm a little older than him in the mission. He's about 5 months into the field. He's really awesome though, because he doesn't have to learn a new language. He can just practice right into teaching skills and stuff. I still amn't super refined in my teaching skills like asking inspired questions and stuff is hard for me, but it's coming. I'm getting to be not too shabby, and Tagalog is still not easy, but I can speak, so that's what's important!
I'm going to learn a lot from being a district leader and stuff. Life is awesome as a missionary!
Mahal kita!!!! I have to go bring more people to Christ now. Toodles!
P.S. Remember how I told you I ate Bolut? Maybe I didn't, but I did eat it. Here's a picture of the little baby duck before it plopped into my mouth. haha